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These past few weeks have been a whirlwind but also a time of reflection and revelation. Being fully immersed in perhaps the most aggressive city in the world, you’re constantly surrounded by people who couldn’t give less of a shit about other’s perceptions of them. I never really thought I gave a shit but looking back, I still did to an extent. But my dear friend told me that “New York is too big to have a reputation” and I took that to heart.

It’s weird transitioning from a tiny niche school where everyone was in everyone’s business, but here no one knows who the hell I am so why not just have some fun with it? A lot of people die without the chance to fully be themselves and thus cultivate that to the highest degree, and so being an 18-year-old in a city where the majority of the population are doing their own thing, I can’t help but to want to take this opportunity to grow and thrive as an individual.

So I’m announcing: I do not give a diddly darn. Even coming from me, it’s definitely a lot easier said than done; being 10000% comfortable in your skin and therefore doing things for you without any qualms is kind of scary. So transforming into a wholly unique individual is not an overnight thing.

I’m not really sure how to go about this revelation and to be honest, I don’t think it’s a revelation you can go about consciously. If anything, you have to embrace the subconscious: doing whatever you do normally without worrying about what others are thinking of those actions.

So cheers to new beginnings, personal growth, the subconscious, and not giving a shit It’s a lot to handle and pretty hard to go about, but it’s definitely a mission I’m ready to take on.

Maybe next time we talk, I’ll seem like a different person. Except that the different person is going to be me and the full version of it. I want to scare ya’ll with how Brenda I really am, so we’ll keep in touch.

x Brenda

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The digital diary of a 18 year old // fashion, beauty, music, and musings... Contact: hello@brendaliang.com

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