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College is weird as hell yet so mind-blowing and conceptually hard to grasp. I know moving to college is a nerve-wracking experience but for me, I wasn’t nervous or anxious whatsoever. I was fully ready to leave New Jersey because first of all, New Jersey just sucks, and secondly because I knew the city and was ready to not just visit but live there.

Maybe it’s NYU specifically, but attending a massive college in New York City can be lonely at times. I do feel blessed because I’m here with my best friend and people I’ve known from precollege, but even so everything feels a bit different. I love alone time; I always did my own thing, but somehow it feels different here. It’s funny because everyone says that in New York you tend to be lonely even though you’re surrounded by 8.5 million people. At the same time, I’m embracing this different lifestyle because I I’m growing and maturing a shit ton.

Being thrown into one of the most aggressive cities as an eighteen-year-old really makes you grow up. My dad scolds me sometimes about being too cocky because like most teenagers, I think I know everything. But really I know absolutely nothing. Even things about myself ! And trust me, I hate the idea of not knowing myself inside and out. So this has all been really weird. Like my roommate told me what I do in my sleep: jolt my body dead-asleep because of my goddamn nightly Charlie’s Horses. And that I am REALLY intimidating because of my resting bitch face. And that it’s odd that I always shake hands.

And the people! I’m not only in one of the most liberal and dynamic schools but also in one of the most liberal and dynamic cities in the world. I’ve always been very open-minded and indifferent about others’ lives but being fully immersed in a culture in which people literally do not give a crap is really eye-opening. It makes me want to strive to do my own thing and learn to say no, yes, or fuck it, you know.

I’m not sure if freshmen at other colleges feel the same, but there are moments where I need to remind myself that I’m so blessed to have this extraordinary opportunity to grow and thrive. It feels so surreal, not just because I’m living in New York City, but because I’m in college …? I’ve almost relinquished my past because I’ve not only been so busy and all over the place but also because I’m. In. College.

Nothing is say in attempt to explain this new, interesting reality is going to make sense. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t fully grasped the idea of being in college. It’s just different, and I have the full freedom and independence to not have to be home at a certain time, go out on a Monday night, and sleep through class. WhIcH I WoN’t Do.

So yeah, it’s been a little bit jarring, crazy, spontaneous, but also fun — I’m deadass having the time of my life.

So I made a vlog, but also not really a vlog. I’m Trying to make it a blockbuster film so spread the love.

xx Brenda

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The digital diary of a 18 year old // fashion, beauty, music, and musings... Contact:

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