Ok team! I’m basically one month away from graduating high school and it’s really bittersweet: I’ve been looking forward to the last few weeks of school all semester but now that it’s approaching, it’s kinda crazy.
To be completely honest, my senior year didn’t go the way I expected it to, I expected lots of parties, lot of positive and memorable moments, and lots of laughter, but instead I received lots of tears, lots of stress, which ultimately manifested into lots of growth.
I spent a solid few months feeling angsty and depressed to the point in which I genuinely thought I was suffering from situational depression; I was hormonal and pissy purely out of isolation as I realized that I felt so misplaced in my community. Maybe that developed from the grumpy weather, but I truly felt like I was failing at life, that I wasn’t thriving, and all I ever hope to do is thrive.
But looking back, I was dramatic. I know nothing is nothing and I had my reasons, but I’m just a normal seventeen-year-old trying to navigate life like everyone else is. But also! My three-month-long drama queen moment made me stronger (cliche but we’ll get over it), feeling trapped and isolated has rejuvenated me! Maybe that’s because all I did was sleep and release pent-up bitchiness, but I truly feel that months of drowning in my feeling of isolation has taught me the essential balance between dependency and independency.
I always considered myself independent but looking back at my internal turmoil, I really wasn’t as much as I hoped I was: I needed people to constantly support me, and when I didn’t feel that people were praising me left and right I thought “holy shit, everyone hates me, I’m a sucky human, and I have no potential to be successful by any means.” Which is completely dumb because not everyone hates me, I’m kinda a sick human, and I (like everyone else) have the potential to be successful and powerful.
Perhaps I had a subconscious hiatus from thinking I was hot shit, or I just realized I wasn’t hot shit, but whatever it is, my little period of depression made me more appreciative of the opportunities I have and the people I choose to surround myself with.
At this point I’m rambling because it’s 11:13pm and I’m exhausted even though I slept thirteen hours, but to sum it up: you are hot shit no matter what anyone says (or doesn’t say), and even though you fundamentally do, you don’t need other people’s validation to make you thrive or be successful. In the end, you have only yourself, you are the only person who will 100% have your best interests at heart because you know yourself best, so don’t let negativity from anyone make you feel less than what you are. Unless you’re actually a bad person, which in that case, you should feel bad about yourself.