Starting Over

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mind, Uncategorized

I know. I’ve been incredibly janky on this whole blogging and Youtube-ing thing. I don’t mean to make excuses, but my excuse is that I’ve been emotionally and mentally crippling over the past month or so because of SATs which I finally took yesterday and the pressure of keeping my grades up as a prospective college student. It’s been a really rough time.

Especially the past week though. Man, it was rough. I woke up last Sunday when the realization of taking the SATs a mere six days later hit me and I went into intense-Brenda-mode. Basically, I shut down on all forms of joy for however long I need to and work my ass off until 2am everyday. Sleep deprivation and delirium are not myths, they’re real, I can attest that. I now have no ass.

I get it, being studious and working hard for what you one day hope to accomplish is a crucial facet of not only a student’s life, but also anyone’s life. But I’m starting to get the sense that you’re not supposed to be getting stress rashes and meltdowns everyday closer to what you’re preparing for.

Now, you get it. It’s been rough, and there was just no way in hell I could have made time for something I love, blogging. But I’m back for real this time! I know I always apologize and repeat my unspoken absence but that was because I’d get waves of work and now that the SAT is hopefully cut out of my life, I have so much more time to fill up with thought-provoking content. So basically it’s the end of an era.

Not to get all corny up in here but closed doors mean the entryway to new doors. (I’m not sure if that’s the right quote but you get what I mean.) And so consider this my starting over. I was contemplating posting something like this on New Years instead but to be blunt, New Year’s Resolutions are bull. They’re unrealistic and kinda stupid. Yes, you can make a wonderful resolution, but you’re definitely not going to stick with it all the way through because your life isn’t a plateau nor is it a ride up the rollercoaster. In one year, it can be the craziest rollercoaster of your life, with ups and downs, right turns and left turns, spins and circles, it’s unexpected. You never know.

So take your vision of the rollercoaster I just described (The Hulk if you’re lacking inspiration ATM) and convert it to a small scale weenie coaster. That’s been my life in the past month. It’s been wild, it’s been crazy, and it’s been slightly traumatizing. But that’s not such a bad thing because I learned a lot about myself, even in those late nights/early mornings where my boredom or extreme fatigue was so overpowering I thought I was going to slip into a coma right then and there.

Besides learning about the importance of mindful working and sleep, I learned that I’m human. Obviously we all have this subconscious acknowledgement of our human existence but I learned that I’m human in the sense that I’m not a robot or a machine that can be recharged and shoved back into the realm of work. I can’t constantly be on my A-game and bring my all because I don’t always feel my all. It’s just impossible to be slaying nonstop because hi! we’re human! But if you do slay the game nonstop, I guess that’s cool, but there might also be something wrong with you.

I’ll be back soon, I swear.

-Brenda

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The digital diary of a 18 year old // fashion, beauty, music, and musings... Contact: hello@brendaliang.com

5 thoughts on “Starting Over”

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